Original Written Content Copyright 2001 P. Breen
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  Emmet and dad arrive at the house. They are greeted by Abby. She welcomes them warmly, explaining how she left the hospital because "nobody stopped her." She sits next to Dr. Williams and coos "Such strong muscles. I bet you're strong all over," as she gropes his thigh. Williams pushes her away just as her hand reaches his groin, and the two clash. Abby telekinetically throws Dr. Williams and Emmet across the room. "I'll let you know when I'm ready for you. Then I'm gonna get your ass!" she shrieks. Emmet and his father are pinned down by roaring winds as Abby escapes from the house.

When the wind finally dies down. Emmet dashes outside, CAR-JACKS a white woman, and speeds off in her vehicle to search for Abby.

At the house, police arrive to check out the stolen vehicle complaint. Abby's cop brother Cass arrives, and calms down the other police officers. Cass and Dr. Williams go inside, where the doctor admits he accidentally released the spirit of Eshu, and now the spirit has taken up residence in Abby's body.

Still driving aimlessly, Emmet suddenly remembers he's in a stolen car, and he pulls over to a phone booth. The phone rings just as he is about to make a call. Abby is on the other line. Emmet hears groovy dance music in the background as Abby screeches, "Time for Abby to live!" Emmet phones the house and hatches a plan with Cass to scour all of Louisville's bars until they locate Abby. Dr. Williams leaves the two to their search so he can pray and prepare for an exorcism.

Abby seeks refuge at "Bea's Den," a club trimmed in the excesses of 70s blaxploitation films. The bar is a montage of pimp hats, blow-out Fros, and polyester pantsuits. The ideal spot for a Nigerian sex god on the make. The club scenes are all padded with excessive shots of the jukebox, so much so the viewer KNOWS that the fate of the jukebox is grim.

She runs into the church funeral director Russell and she makes a pass at what's best described as the dorkiest black man who ever appeared in a blaxploitation film. (Think Urkel, only less cool.) She asks if they could leave in his hearse, to which he replies, "There ain't no more funerals until after Easter (!?!) - I'm in the limousine."

They sneak off to a secluded wooded area and make out in the backseat. Unsatisfied by Russell's performance, Abby snaps his neck, and smoke pours out of the car. A sinister cackle booms from the vehicle.

Back at the house, Dr. Williams finds a message scrawled in lipstick on a mirror. It reads, "Help Me."

Abby returns to the bar after killing Russell, and she picks up a token white man named Bennett. Again, size is the only thing that counts to Abby. "You know what, baby? You'd just be out of sight if you just had a couple more inches," she coos. She agrees to get a room with the white fellow, but you never see the man again after that. It's the only REAL hole in the film's plot.

In the meantime, Cass and Emmet drive from club to club showing people a black and white publicity photo of Carol Speed that looks nothing like Abby does in the film.(1) They finally arrive at Bea's Den and meet people who've seen Carol Speed/Abby. They call the good doctor and urge him to come to the bar. Dr. Williams meditates one final time, then leaves to meet Eshu.

Abby returns from her white man liaison and dances with two extras from the earlier church scene. Emmet attempts to break them up, but Abby rejects him in favor of the two Fro-hunks. Her new suitors pin down the minister, and Abby proceeds to tear off his clothes to wild applause from the clubsters. Cass, who previously hoped he'd be able to "wrap it all up quietly," breaks up the S&M striptease by firing warning shots in the club. The crowd bolts for the door. Abby responds by telekinetically tossing Emmet, Cass, and any remaining church extras around the bar.

Just as things are getting really ugly, Dr. Williams arrives. Understandably, Abby tries to flee when she sees the doctor's ugly silver cross. Emmet and Cass grab her arms, and the doctor engages in a battle of wills with Eshu.

Abby drools some more, speaks in tongues such as Hindi and Greek, yet the three Christian soldiers refuse to back down. When Christian rites fail to impress Eshu, Dr. Williams whips out a stylin' African jacket and an even cooler hat to appeal to the spirit. The doctor asserts that this is not Eshu causing the problems, but a lesser demon posing as Eshu.

He tricks Eshu into leaving Abby's "weak" body. More drool, more wind, and the demon finally exits Abby for the safety of its wooden Nigerian idol box. The demon makes sure to blow up the disco ball and jukebox before departing. Abby slowly regains consciousness to Emmet's relief. Sadly, the FX people neglected to remove Eshu's funky fake eyebrows from Abby's face after Eshu leaves. So Abby still looks possessed, even though her soul is once again her own.

Postscript - Emmet and Abby leave Louisville to embark on a much deserved vacation. After all, wouldn't YOU need a vacation after murdering your funeral director? Abby seemingly shed all traces of Eshu, including those crazy eyebrows. Mama waves goodbye to Emmet and Abby as they board a plane.

And they all live happily ever after.

The End.

Next: Pat Kelly shares his thoughts on the making of Abby.


FOOTNOTES
(1): Carol Speed says: "That photograph Austin Stoker and Terry Carter use while trying to find me in Abby is the photograph that Frank Ward selected from a stack, which landed me the role in The Mack."

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